Saturday, June 15, 2013

The Scariest One Yet

I've been in a bit of a funk as far as my baby blog goes.  I've had a busy couple of months to say the least.  Having been diagnosed with a brain met (stupid melanoma) on April 3, really messed with my head.  I never saw it coming.  And mere weeks before my daughter's wedding.  Freakin' seriously melanoma?????  I've got STUFF to do!!!  And do stuff I did.  I met with a neuro-oncologist, a radiation oncologist and a neurosurgeon.  All were in agreement that SRS (stereotactic radio surgery) was the best way to treat my tumor.  So I scheduled "simulation."  On that afternoon my mask was made, I had a CT with the mask on, and then an MRI, all in preparation for the real deal.  I hated that thing being on my face, and then having it secured to the table, but I got through with a little bit of pharmaceutical assistance.  =)

Once that was done, I had the joy of getting refocused on my daughter's wedding.  It was one of the best weekends of my life, hands down.  My daughter and son-in-law are utterly and completely in love (see pic below), and we're all so very happy for them.  We're also pretty darn happy for ourselves because we have a great new member of our family (love you David)!

Alas...the Monday after the wedding it was back to reality with an MRCP at 8am, and then results the next day with my surgeon.  As usual, I had myself convinced that I was full of tumors.  According to my doc, however, my belly was "pristine!"  The IPMN and hemangiomas were unchanged and there was nothing new.  Wuhooooo!!!

Then I had 2 weeks to wait until the next MRI of my brain to find out what (if anything) the radiation had done to that stinkin' tumor.  The MRI was June 4, and my appt. with my neuro-oncologist wasn't until 4:30 the next day.  Ugh.  All melanoma patients who have scans know how scary they are.   The anxiety pretty much grips you for the few days (at least) before and then until you get the results.  I'm here to tell you that the 32ish hours between that MRI and meeting with my neuro-oncologist were some of the hardest hours of my life.  I know that time took its toll on others too.  The waiting for this scan was like no other for me.  I was flat out terrified that the SRS hadn't worked or that there were more tumors. I've read the stats on brain mets.  They're not pretty.  So the relief I felt when my doc said that the tumor, while causing more swelling in my brain for now, appeared to be dying...was incredible.  Waiting for the results of this one scan was worse than all of the others combined.  I don't know if I'll feel the same way about future scans.  Time will tell.  Next one is in August along with another MRCP, and a PET scan in July.

In the meantime, I've got a life to live!  =)